You can spend all night talking to him, when you are spending all day trying to convince yourself that you just need another day or just one more night, before you can at last, tick off number three on your checklist. You tell yourself that you are only moments away from adding that one final tick. That one last much-wanted blot. The one mark you stop thinking you really need. The one you can perhaps, live without … forever.
You want him ……………………….. ☑
You need him ……………………….. ☑
You love him ………………………… ✘
But, from the innermost gist of you, you begin to realize that there is just no way at all, that you will ever love him, and there is not much else that could ever change the way you feel. You try not to be sad when you reassure yourself that you’ve tried all you conceivably could, to tick-off that one last check-box.
You hold on to your two-out-of-three’er, and zealously convince yourself that you’re not doing too badly. There’s just nothing left to hunt or pursue, and there’s not much more you can say about that one final check-box. It has gotten as good as it will ever get.
You try to show how passionately you want him and how feverishly you need him, but after a while, you can no longer find the words to excuse the missing third, and final tick. The most significant of them all, love. You know that if you walk away from your two-out-of-three-someone, there is more than likely, not another two’er out there for you. There might be a one’er somewhere, but not likely, another two’er. There will certainly nowhere else be, another three-out-of-three’er, a perfectly ticked checklist. There will never be a three-out-of-three’er for you, again. Can you lie? Can you tell him he is your three’er? Will he settle for his rating if he knew he was only your two’er?
Because, to your once-upon-a-time “three-out-of-three’er”, you were only a two-out-of-three’er. You were once wanted and needed, but, there was just no way he could ever tick-off that one last check-box either. He could not make you his three-out-of-three’er. The most significant of them all, love. And when the nights are long and stormy; when the days are lonely and noisy, you want to be someone’s three’er. You need to be someone’s three’er. You want to love your three’er and you want your three’er to love you back. You don’t want to be a two’er. You were never prepared to settle as someone’s two’er.
And just then, it becomes that one mark you stop thinking you really need. The one you can perhaps, live without … forever.
Is two out of three enough?